…I’ve thought about us for a long, long time. Maybe I think too much but something’s wrong. There’s something here that doesn’t last too long. Maybe I shouldn’t think of you as mine… (Sorry, I can’t say those 3 words without hearing that Todd Rundgren song in my head.)
Okay. I’ll stop now.
Yes, it’s been over a year since I last posted, but I promise I have not forgotten you. I think of you as mine. (Darn song. Is it stuck in your head too?) Please forgive me for vanishing for a while. Some of you must be wondering what happened.
There was a small buzz that I had won the lottery, bought an island (named it The Empty Nest) and was busying myself populating it with puppies, giraffes, pigs and other cute animals that I dream of having in my life.
Some thought I had finally met Nell Harper Lee and she asked me to ghost write her second book.
And then, there was the ridiculous rumor that after 28 years of marriage to Sweetbuns, I had dumped him for a young cabana boy and was living in the Caribbean spending my days soaking up the sun and drinking sweet, adult beverages. (I just love those little umbrellas.)
Closer to fact is that I fell off the deep end, went mute, and have spent the last 12 months cutting out paper dolls.
Not really, but close.
None of what you heard is true.
Here’s the truth: I actually did fall into a pit of despair. It was a minor fall that I dealt with by basically erasing myself from this life. I know. It’s crazy, but true. I rearranged and put away my photos and art, deleted much of my Facebook account, quit writing, quit doing art, and quit hanging out with friends. I just quit sharing (and you KNOW how much I love to share.)
I went inward. Not so Abby Normal for me, but this particular time was a doozy.
Although it was a short-lived time of Eeyoredom, it took me months to dig out, and assess what was going on with me. Today, it’s clear as glass.
I was grieving.
It’s not the first time, nor will it be the last. But that’s what it was.
My mother, as you may have read, has mixed dementia. Honestly, we didn’t expect her to be with us this long, but she is still alive. Yet, here’s the thing. The Mom that I knew is gone. Our shared secrets, our history, our inside jokes have faded. I am grateful that I can still have her in my life, but my Mom is a new Mom. I love my new Mom, but the adjustment has not been easy.
Tack on a hefty dose of life’s curve balls and I was a mess last fall.
Now, don’t you prefer the thought of islands and drinks with small umbrellas to the real story? (I promised I’d be honest here. It hurts doesn’t it?) Let’s move on okay?
So much has happened this past year. There is no way to catch you up on the adventure. It has definitely been a year of growth, gain, and loss, and I’m not talking poundage, body parts and facial hair. (Well. Maybe I am. I did finally have a hysterectomy.) Anyway, I’m going to clue you in on something.
I began this blog when my child went away to college. It was a therapeutic, creative outlet for my writing. My goal was to share my feelings, and in turn hopefully help others. Well, I’m cool with the empty nest. I really am. Alli is in her junior year now, and is actually studying abroad in Paris, France this semester. Sure, I miss her, but I feel that I have adjusted well to this new stage of life. Maybe it was because I wrote my way through it? If I had known that the whole Empty Nest thing was such a huge media hype for the heart-strings, I wouldn’t have named my blog what I named it. And I sure wouldn’t have used that Midol advertisement photo of myself for the header.
So, here’s the deal pickle. I’m in the process of creating a new blog which will focus more on general humor (Yes, I heard the plea) and other items of interest. You will still have to endure my obsession with my loved ones, but I promise I will make it fun.
Are you guys on board? I need a new, grown up name for the new blog. Any ideas or suggestions? Should my posts be shorter? Do you like the photos or are there too many? Thanks for your help!
I’ll keep you posted. (Pardon the pun.)
P.S. Larry and I celebrated 29 years of marital bliss this past September. There is no cabana boy! That was a bad rumor. But I have been busy thinking of ways to meet and write with Miss Lee, own hundreds of cute animals and live on an island.